joke: lost husband

Husband is lost. In the police wife is describing what he looks like.
Policeman:
-What we shall say to him when we found him?
-Please tell him- my mother decided not to come.

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One man did not like his mother-in-law very much, so he decided to frighten her. He took tablecloth, cut a hole in midst, saw a hole in table, put tablecloth on table throw his head  in hole, throw some hens blood, put out tongue so it looks like his head are on the table. Mother in law came in and start to shout he open eyes and said "Woof!", so she felt with heart attack. In the police he said- she was woofing at me all my life, i did it only once.

joke: hunt

-Father, did we go to the hunting tomorrow too?
-No, tomorrow we will go to the eye doctor
Said father nibbling shots from his ass.