You call me!

Boy: You call me!
Girl: No, you call me!
Boy: Better you!
Girl: Of course I'm better, you call me.
***

Husband complains about his wife to a specialist in family relationships:
- She keeps a diary, describing all the deeds and actions, right down to the smallest detail!
- So what? Many people keep diaries! There is nothing unusual ...
- Yes, but my keeps him to the next week!

Why did you call the dog my name?

Husband: Why did you call the dog my name?
Wife: I went him to the vet and he says its useless stupid dog.
***
Blonde: And why should I said to that hairdresser surprise me!
***
Blonde1: Honey, you are very thin, probably on a strict diet?
Blonde2: Yes, Beauty requires sacrifice.
Blonde1: Yes, but you have brought to sacrifice beauty!
***
- Dad, if the animal skin filled with something, you get - a scarecrow?
His father, glancing at his wife in a fur coat:
- It's true, my son, scarecrow.

Don't want to be like others?

Sometimes blonde is nice only because she is not attractive enough to be evil.
***
Blonde  is swimming naked so that trainer did not notice she forgot the pool hat.
***
Don't want to be like others? Erase your Facebook page.
***
Q: Girl, isn't it hot in jeans today?
A: No its okay without underwear.

Blonde is walking down the street

Long legged blonde is walking down the street, there from the behind guy comes closer and says:
"What a beautiful long legs you have!"
 Blonde with sorrow in voice:
What the point with such an ugly face!"

Husband is coming home late. Wife"
"Where the hell have you been?"
Husband:
"And how did you know, you was there, too?

Will you give me Calgon?

In 14 blonde looks like she is 20, in 20 she tries to look like she is 14
***
Q: John did you see my new pictures?
A: Those where you topless on the beach? No I did not.
***
The gynecologist put a spiral to blonde.
The blonde got dressed and asked:
-Will you give me Calgon?
-Why do you need Calgon?
-Without Calgon there forms a limescale.

Why there is a female doctor but not a male?

Q:Why there is a female doctor but not a male?
A: Because to be a man is not a disease.

Rain shower

Early morning, terrible cold and rain shower. A man comes in baker's and asks two cakes.
"One for Merry and one for me!"
"Merry is your wife?" A baker interests politely.
"Of course, do you think my mother would venture me out in this weather?"

Where blonde dresses

The blonde asked where she dresses. Blonde:
What a strange question, where I woke up, there I dresses.
***
Blonde comes to small town and asks a granny:
Q: Where can I go at night?
A: At night you can go to bucket.

Girls weight

Girls getting married usually weight 60-70 pounds. Weight is so small to easier sneak into the house of husband. In a short time they weight 2-3 times more so they are harder to get out of that house.
***
When I was younger, old ladies came to me on the weddings and always told "You are next!" but now they keep silence cause in funerals I am telling them "You are next!"

Blonde revenge

Upon learning that her former husband will marry a young neighbor, she took revenge on him from a purely feminine guile: she married neighbors father and became a mother-in-law to ex husband.

It's me, your pussy!

Husband dresses up, wife looks at his back and asks:
-Whoever scratched your back so badly?
Husband blushes with embarrassment:
-Can you imagine I was walking down the street yesterday and suddenly cat fell from the balcony on my back... do you believe me?
-Of course I do, There's lipstick, it says: "It's me, your pussy!"

Blonde puzzling

Blonde puzzling:
I don't understand the psychology of men- he calls any time and says "I will be in 10 minutes."  Do they realy think we are born with shaved legs, makeup and lacy underwear.
***
At night in bed blonde says "Let me closer to you" and after some time "while you still warm"
***
Usually girls love dolls and boys love cars. But it's only until 15 and then its opposite!

Why do men lover ladies with long legs?

Q:Why do men love ladies with long legs?
A: Study physics, so longer the lever so less power you have to put!
***
 Blondes are so worried about cellulite that you might think they are walking around with bare ass.

Will you marry me?

Q:How is your preparation to wedding?
A: We just discuss details, I cant choose wedding dress, he dont want to marry at all
***
Q: Will you marry me?
A: Oh, I dont know, it's so unexpected. I even did not finished guestlist to the wedding.
***

If you are near vulcano and can't survive lava, freeze in strange position to blow mind of archeologists in next millenium.

Would you like a muscled man began to devour you with eyes?

Would you like a muscled man began to devour you with eyes, reach you with hands, and ask to show that you have under your clothes? Pretend that you have something stolen In front of store security guard.
***
Q: How goes your weekend?
A: Bad she did not allow me in, she said forget that you have one, turned off my pc and dragged me to the bed.
***
Another day appears a waste of makeup...
***

Stop flirting with the patients, we are working in the morgue.

The doctor to nurse:
- Stop flirting with the patients, we are working in the morgue.
***
Q: Honey, do you like my blose?
A: Yes.
Q: But you did not look at it!
A: But I said the correct answer.

Happiness

I bought a ring to my girlfriend. No she is jumping from happiness. It's a basketball ring.
***
If you put mirrors inside fridge, there comes 3 more time food.
***
Now like a honest women I have to marry you.