funny jokes mostly about blondes

joke: lost husband

Husband is lost. In the police wife is describing what he looks like.
Policeman:
-What we shall say to him when we found him?
-Please tell him- my mother decided not to come.

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One man did not like his mother-in-law very much, so he decided to frighten her. He took tablecloth, cut a hole in midst, saw a hole in table, put tablecloth on table throw his head in hole, throw some hens blood, put out tongue so it looks like his head are on the table. Mother in law came in and start to shout he open eyes and said "Woof!", so she felt with heart attack. In the police he said- she was woofing at me all my life, i did it only once.

joke: hunt

-Father, did we go to the hunting tomorrow too?
-No, tomorrow we will go to the eye doctor
Said father nibbling shots from his ass.

joke: dumpster

Dear Mr. president!
If you can't give jobs to unemployed, can't rise pensions, please at last make dumpsters lower so it is easy to get in.

joke: wrinkles

Best against wrinkles are 6 pints of beer every day..

joke: limber

If God took away 2 more ribs from Adam, Adam became so limber so could live without women.

joke: attractiveness

Even most beautiful woman is doubting about her attractiveness but short man with crooked legs are always irresistible.

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Every girl could be beauty, just need to find proper beast.

joke: The lie detector

Policemen:
-Do you know what is the lie detector?
-Yes, I am married with one for 10 years.

joke: tattoo

- What is this tattoo on your back "00-88"
-It is not a tattoo, my wife drives into garage while I was opening gates.

joke: toilet

Wife asks to husband:
-Where have you been?
- I was running to the toilet.
- But toilet is clean and did not smells.
-I was not fast enough.

joke: wedding

True story
Young man wakes up on the morning, looks to the blond girl in bed and says:
-Oh, my headaches, I get drunk on somebodies wedding yesterday, but don't remember whose wedding it was.
Blondie:
-What do you mean, whose wedding?
Blondie decided to joke, but man put an end to alcohol.

joke: lifter

Night. Stocky lifter, 7 feet high sits on bench in park and plays with knife.
Yet comes puny man 5 feet high. Stocky man asks:
-What are you doing here?
-I am serial killer, specializing on lifters, 93 bodies on my count.
Stocky man starts to laught, falls to the ground and suddenly catches his heart and dies.
-94, little man says sadly.