funny jokes mostly about blondes

Blonde came to the doctor

The blonde in the diagnostic office:
- Oh, I have been here yesterday, and did it .. EEС?
- EEG-electroencephalography ... study of the brain.
- Ah, well, that's it... You gave me the result of yesterday, I scrolled into a tube then twisted, and then I did makeup, then sunbath in the solarium, and then ... in general, lost somewhere ... and now I had to go to psychologist.
- All clear ...
The doctor takes out a school notebook in ticker, torn out a double leaf from the middle, put on the bottom yesterday's date and signature:
- Take it... the same result as yesterday...

good news and bad news

-Dou you have your wifes photo naked?
-No!
-Want some?
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-I have two news for you...
-Let's start from the good one.
-I m sorry, they are both bad...
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-My wife tries to kill me
-Why do you think so
-Every day she tighting my tie but today she lather it

Am I fool?

Wife to her husband -Do you think I'm blind and complete fool?
- Honey, well, you're not blind!

Cry baby cry

Two blondes:
- Why did you came to the party with a bandage on the eye?
- I did not have time make up second one!
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Any blonde knows To force the mouse to run away you must scream
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If we can not sleep - somebody is dreaming of us. Who in the world is watching second season with my participation?
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How the world has changed after all. Those who formerly was known as pirates have robbed the people. Now - those who are giving away and sharing with ordinary people.

What I did wrong?

- I am cautious just in case I am driving with pulled "handbrake". In repair shop they say "stupid" Have I done something wrong?
***
Today, catching the runaway bus driver stopped and began to wait. But I'm proud ... I ran past!

Jokes about divorcing

A guy calls his mother-in-law: - Take your daughter back. We have lived together only a month, and I can not hold anymore! Mother-in-law: - Sorry son-in-law, after 14 days, the manufacturer will not accept returns! *** - If I leave you for another man, will you feel sorry? - Feel sorry for strangers?

Secret joke

-There has to be secret in each girl- sayd blonde and ate a collection of riddles. *** First lesson in auto school for blondes. "Prays" ***

Jokes about high tits

If to pump a helium instead of silicone, you can get really high tits. ************************************************ England, an ancient castle. The family met in an exceptional event the daughter of a noble family became the call girl. The first in a prolonged silence, took the word Lord himself: - This is a dark stain on our glorious history. My daughter has disgraced us all! After a short pause he added: - In our family no one ever worked!

-What is progress? -Previously, Piligrims were selling necklaces to indians, now it's opposite. *************************

Boy: Hi! What a cool jacket! Blonde: Can you imagine, and I have absolutely nothing underneath there! Boy: Do not worry they will grow!

*************************

Husband to wife: - Honey, do me this ... well this ... - Well, my love! ... ... . . Pleased husband, after this: - To hell with coffee!

Jokes about good, bad and smart girls

In car accident good girl cries along with you, bad - asks why are you crying, smart keeps silence
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Good girls dress accurately, bad - defiantly, smart - fast
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Good girls are sleeping in pajamas, bad - naked, smart - depends on the situation
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Good girls are true to her husband, the bad - a lover, smart - to both
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Good girls believe in pure love, the bad - believes in big love, smart - in a good sex
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Good girls have a job, bad - the sponsor, smart - owns a business

Do you know what thunder is?

Blonde: Do you know what thunder is?
Browne: No.
Blonde: It's Google making photo maps from space.
***********************************
Blonde:Do you know where light are gone at night?
Browne: No
Blonde: It's in the fridge.
***
-I thing boobs and brains are made from the same material
-Why is it so?
-So bigger boobs so smaller brains.