jokes about left blonde

Blonde cries. Another blonde asks:
-What happened?
-Boyfriend gave me a rose and said he will come back, when it fades.
-So where is the problem?
-Rose is plastic.

Jokes around snakes

-What is successfull marriage?
-It is like to put your hand in a bag and pull out a grass snake!

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Lesson of biology. Teacher:
-Yesterday I saw a viper and she didn't bite me, do you know why?
Voice from the backstage:
-Because they don't touch soulmates.

Jokes about cops

One ventriloquist with duck on his hand on the stage:
-Here are another anecdote about cops.
Angry cop in Hall stands up and says:
-Enough you laughing about us, cops.
ventriloquist starts to apologies. Cop:
-You shut up I am talking with duck.

Joke about crocodile in the pool

One old man have a pool and apple trees. One night he took bucket to pick apples and when he came closer he saw a few naked girls swimming in his pool. Old man frowns at them
-Go away from my pool.
They get into the water deeper and said:
-We will not get out until you go away
Old man said
-I did not coma to look at you naked, I just came to  feed my crocodile.

Aphorisms birds and cigarettes

Birds are getting smarter. They are no more flying were are warmth but where are more stable political situation.

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One cigarette is shortening life by 10 minutes, but sex is prolonging life by 15 minutes, so f**** for your life, smokers!

Joke husband like president

-I want my husband to be like president
-You mean- so important?
-No, I want to elect new one every four years, and if he will behaving good, I will leave him on second term.

Joke: archive

Programmer is calling to library.
-May I speak with Christina?
-She is in archive.
-Then unarchive her please, I need to speak with her.

joke: free

In skyscraper, wife is cleaning windows from the outside.
Husband:
-If you fall, cry as loud as you can, so every women will know, that I  am free now.

joke: genius

Two wifes talking.
-My fool, could you believe, hes is taking plastic bag on the plate before dinner, and then he take it off throws it away.
-He's a genius!

joke: dont eat me

In the office fridge, there was a cake and note "Dont eat me!"
Now there are empty plate and note "I am not taking commands from cakes!"

joke: feeding family

Man is begging on the street, another gets closer, looks in the pockets and finally found a buck.
-Sorry pal, I cant afford to give you two bucks, because  I got married yesterday.
Beggar starts to shout:
-People, look at him, He was just married yesterday and now I have to feed his family!

jokes: beauty

-Honey, i will be back lately tonight.
-Are you guarantee that?


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-Whiskey makes you so beautiful!
-Thanks, but I did not drink today!
-But I did.

Jokes: kamasutra

-What are you reading in such strange pose?
-Kamasutra.

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Students dormitories.
-Did you take Kamasutra?
-Yes
-Did you draw there something?
-Yes
-Then come unbind my girlfriend!

Joke: terrorists

Terrorists are not trying to blow White house and it is very smart. Otherwise they would be dead a long time ago.

joke: mortgage

Enter to school- new life starts. Enter to university- new life starts. Going to work- new life starts. Getting married- your new life starts. If you tired of all this- take mortgage and life suddenly ends.

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Client in the bank is studying thick mortgage agreement a long time.
Clerk is asking:
-What is it, what is confusing you?
Client:
-Here, paragraph 1685 "On the forehead of client shall be burnt mark of bank."