Broken kitchen

Husband returns to home and see in the kitchen- everything is broken.
-Whats happened?
-Nothing special Mr. Propper fights with Mr. Muscle.

Jokes about long life

-What is the greatest success in you 98 years long life?
-I have no enemies!
- It is great, how did you do that?
- I overlived them

jokes about smart blondes

When man are thinking his left side of the brain is working.
When blonde are thinking- both sides of her brain are working and fights each other all the time.

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Blonde:
-It's hard life for smart woman.
Friend:
-What is up to you?

jokes about launch

One man walks by restaurant  see advertisment:
"You are paying nothing for your dinner. Your grandchildren will pay for your dinner."
Man happy gets in, finish his launch and get big bill.
-Whaty about your advertisment?
-Advertisment is ok, it is bill for dinner of your grandfather.

Jokes about debt

-I am asking the last time, when you return your debt?
-Thanks god, I will not hear it anymore!

joke about unreliable wife

Husband is dying:
-I am dying, did you ever was reliable wife?
Wife:
-Are you sure, you can't get up?

jokes about wifes lover

Businesman went to Maldives, do all job in 3 days and had 4 more days to rest. He sent message to his friend bachelor:
-Take my wife and your lover and come to me.
He got message back:

-Will be tomorrow at 11, btw how did you know about us?

jokes about left blonde

Blonde cries. Another blonde asks:
-What happened?
-Boyfriend gave me a rose and said he will come back, when it fades.
-So where is the problem?
-Rose is plastic.

Jokes around snakes

-What is successfull marriage?
-It is like to put your hand in a bag and pull out a grass snake!

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Lesson of biology. Teacher:
-Yesterday I saw a viper and she didn't bite me, do you know why?
Voice from the backstage:
-Because they don't touch soulmates.

Jokes about cops

One ventriloquist with duck on his hand on the stage:
-Here are another anecdote about cops.
Angry cop in Hall stands up and says:
-Enough you laughing about us, cops.
ventriloquist starts to apologies. Cop:
-You shut up I am talking with duck.

Joke about crocodile in the pool

One old man have a pool and apple trees. One night he took bucket to pick apples and when he came closer he saw a few naked girls swimming in his pool. Old man frowns at them
-Go away from my pool.
They get into the water deeper and said:
-We will not get out until you go away
Old man said
-I did not coma to look at you naked, I just came to  feed my crocodile.

Aphorisms birds and cigarettes

Birds are getting smarter. They are no more flying were are warmth but where are more stable political situation.

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One cigarette is shortening life by 10 minutes, but sex is prolonging life by 15 minutes, so f**** for your life, smokers!

Joke husband like president

-I want my husband to be like president
-You mean- so important?
-No, I want to elect new one every four years, and if he will behaving good, I will leave him on second term.

Joke: archive

Programmer is calling to library.
-May I speak with Christina?
-She is in archive.
-Then unarchive her please, I need to speak with her.

joke: free

In skyscraper, wife is cleaning windows from the outside.
Husband:
-If you fall, cry as loud as you can, so every women will know, that I  am free now.