Nobody hears me

Blonde stands in crowded bus. She is listening to the music and badly wants to fart. "When the drum bass party will go, nobody hears me!" she thinks and drums goes on and she farts very loudly and then she noticed- everebody lok at her. And then she realizes- she was wearing headphones.

what to do, when blonde throws at you a grenade?

If you cut blondes head off , she will continue do shopping for 3 days.
***
Q. what to do, when blonde throws at you a grenade?
A. Pull off the ring and throw grenade back.

what for I was offended?

Q: What to do, when blonde throws grenade at you?
A: Pull the ring and throw it back.

***
Blonde: That an embarrassing moment when I forgot what for I was offended ..

It's only a movie

Blonde founds video tape at home. She put it  in player  and see her husband are sleeping with 3 other girls.
-It is not a real life, it's only a movie- says blonde.
***
Q: What blondes prefers pills or condoms?
A; Of course pills, they are much easier to swallow.
***
Q: How blonde can take free singing lessons?
A: Their neighbors collected money.

A problem with the hair on the legs are fixed

She did  not eat any sweet or salty or fried or fatty, and died of envy.
***
- Girls! A problem with the hair on the legs are fixed. Let them grow!
(Adele: Let them burn)
***
Husband: Imagine you have a dream car, but every month it have a week of preventations and two weeks before it cant drive because it waits for that preventation.
Wife: And why should I keep that car... wait a minute... what are you hinting at?

Blonde is walking through the desert.

Blonde is walking through the desert.
Blonde: "God, please give me some water, I am thirsty, no, stop throwing that shovels on me!"
***
To have entertaining chat with blonde, all you have to do is to nod silently from time to time.
***
Q: "Where is your boyfriend?
A: "He did not pass the test"
Q: "What test?"

What is worst- wife don't like to cook or wife can't cook?

Q: What is worst- wife don't like to cook or wife can't cook?
A: Worst thing is -wife like to cook but can't.
***
Women's bra is like bag of chips- open it and half are empty.

Who is afraid of rain in room?

During discussion with blonde, if you are armored with logic, facts and clear mind, you are dead end.
***
Do I look like fool?
Of course not, silly!
***
Blonde:I need IPhone 7th.
Seller:Wait a minute, there are only IPhone 5.
Blonde:Don't know about you, I lost my sixth.
***
Boy: Why do you have an umbrella?
Guess who: In case of rain.
Boy: Who is afraid of rain in room?
Guess who: I am not afraid , I have an umbrella!

How Blonde can break a leg collecting leaves?

Question: How Blonde can break a leg collecting leaves?
Answer: Easy, by falling from the tree.
***
Question: How can you know is relationship serious?
Answer: If they are taking mortgage loan together.

Who wrote fairy tale about mermaid?

Professor: Who wrote fairy tale about mermaid?
Blonde: Anderson
Professor: But name
Blonde: Pamela?

Hold the wheel!

He: Stop dancing!
She: Why?
He: Just, please stop dancing!
She: Why, it's cool music!
He: Please, stop dancing, hold the wheel!
***
Blondie1: Did you break up with your boyfriend?
Blondie2: No, he said, according to law I have to do my duties for two weeks until he finds a replacement.

What you mean no cigarettes?

Blonde in supermarket:
Blonde: Give me some cigarettes.
Seller: we have no cigarettes.
Blonde: What you mean no cigarettes?
Seller: It's the same thing as we have cigarettes, only in reverse.
***
Ordinary bears think that white bears are fool.
***

What an ugly girls get out from beauty salon. I think they are donors- donors of beauty- salon can't make beauty from nothing so it suck it out from those girls.
***
Woman who don't want anything from you can take away everything.
***

The snake bites soldier John. Doctor says somebody have to suck out poison. Buddies found nurse and said:
" Hurry John is mocking, you have to suck out or he will dye."
After some time buddies come in to room and see blonde is sucking in the wrong place. They ask:
"John why did not you tell her to suck in other place."
John: "To hell with life, I never feel better."

Most kind blonde in the world

There are found most kind blonde.
She buy live fishes and let them free.
In the woods.
***
In San Francisko  took place competition of most stupid name. Winner named Winner took the first place.
***
My wife says I am too impulsive. How could she know, we just met yesterday.
***
Q: Was he alone? Are you shure?
A: Yes, I can count very well to 1.
***
She:That's it. I am leaving you.
He:Who are you and why did you came here?

Life is full of misery

Life is full of misery and suffering and hatred, disappointment and betrayal until finally you find a hairdresser that was right for you!
***
Joka about stupid blondes invented blondes themself.  It is so convenient what can you demand from the fool.
***

The blonde in forum asks,
- Does anyone take drivers licence sixth time? What surprises lurk there?

Ride is cancelled

Husband: I am going to Hippodrome.
Wife: Ride is cancelled I already hit the snout of your filly.
***
Piter: John, yesterday I took my girlfriend to "Otello"
John: "Ah it was  cultural event!"
Piter: "No, it was warning."