I want something bright in my life. Like blonde.
***
I can't love blondes. I'm finishing too soon.
***
Question: What should I take t op the beach to make everybody in shock?
Answer: Sledge.
***
Blondes who guzzle and did not get fat are definitely witches.
Jokes about drugs
Blonde in a drugstore cant choose condom.
'Which rubber is best to buy?" She asks to seller.
There are winter outside, take with spikes.
***
Doctor: Did the drugs prescribed to you frem the megalomania, helped?
Patient: Of course, you, miserable bug!
'Which rubber is best to buy?" She asks to seller.
There are winter outside, take with spikes.
***
Doctor: Did the drugs prescribed to you frem the megalomania, helped?
Patient: Of course, you, miserable bug!
Why
Question: Why do you pick up the phone only after ten rings?
Answer: They thinks I have a big house
***
Legend told there are blonde who, opening wardrobe knows what she will wear.
***
The paradox: Most blondes have genius children from stupid husband.
***
Worst beast in the world is blonde on diet, trying to quit smoking during menstruation.
***
Man, standing next to a pretty girl, says in mobile phone:
-Hey, I buy me shares in Google for 50 million bucks.
Then he tries to date a blonde.
Blonde:
-No Mr. billionaire, I'm not dating with so uncivilized. You throw a paper past the trash box.
Answer: They thinks I have a big house
***
Legend told there are blonde who, opening wardrobe knows what she will wear.
***
The paradox: Most blondes have genius children from stupid husband.
***
Worst beast in the world is blonde on diet, trying to quit smoking during menstruation.
***
Man, standing next to a pretty girl, says in mobile phone:
-Hey, I buy me shares in Google for 50 million bucks.
Then he tries to date a blonde.
Blonde:
-No Mr. billionaire, I'm not dating with so uncivilized. You throw a paper past the trash box.
Watch out
A blonde cries in only two cases: when she is unhappy and when she is happy.
***
At job interview.
I: You'll watch out an order in our company.
B: Like a manager?
I: Like a janitor.
B: Like a manager?
I: Like a janitor.
***
Blonde train driver, parking locomotive, manage to scratch the two adjacent trains.
Bad luck
Are you afraid of black cats? It is ridiculous. Really bad luck is when an angry grizly is tearing your tent.
- Do not forget to wash away.
***
- Honey, I lost two pounds.- Do not forget to wash away.
***
Russian roulette for sysadmins.
Use blonde instead of bullets: put her to your terminal with full access rights to the system.
Behind the limits
If blonde saw a diamond ring and exclaimed: "Oh, this is the limit of my dreams!", Do not rush to buy it, since then "behind the limits" begins.
***
In the absence of clothing a blondes absence of mind is not so noticeable.
***
Animal trainer's wife after sex gets snack.
***
In the absence of clothing a blondes absence of mind is not so noticeable.
***
Animal trainer's wife after sex gets snack.
Blonde came to the doctor
The blonde in the diagnostic office:
- Oh, I have been here yesterday, and did it .. EEС?
- EEG-electroencephalography ... study of the brain.
- Ah, well, that's it... You gave me the result of yesterday, I scrolled into a tube then twisted, and then I did makeup, then sunbath in the solarium, and then ... in general, lost somewhere ... and now I had to go to psychologist.
- All clear ...
The doctor takes out a school notebook in ticker, torn out a double leaf from the middle, put on the bottom yesterday's date and signature:
- Take it... the same result as yesterday...
- Oh, I have been here yesterday, and did it .. EEС?
- EEG-electroencephalography ... study of the brain.
- Ah, well, that's it... You gave me the result of yesterday, I scrolled into a tube then twisted, and then I did makeup, then sunbath in the solarium, and then ... in general, lost somewhere ... and now I had to go to psychologist.
- All clear ...
The doctor takes out a school notebook in ticker, torn out a double leaf from the middle, put on the bottom yesterday's date and signature:
- Take it... the same result as yesterday...
good news and bad news
-Dou you have your wifes photo naked?
-No!
-Want some?
***
-I have two news for you...
-Let's start from the good one.
-I m sorry, they are both bad...
***
-My wife tries to kill me
-Why do you think so
-Every day she tighting my tie but today she lather it
-No!
-Want some?
***
-I have two news for you...
-Let's start from the good one.
-I m sorry, they are both bad...
***
-My wife tries to kill me
-Why do you think so
-Every day she tighting my tie but today she lather it
Am I fool?
Wife to her husband -Do you think I'm blind and complete fool?
- Honey, well, you're not blind!
- Honey, well, you're not blind!
Cry baby cry
Two blondes:
- Why did you came to the party with a bandage on the eye?
- I did not have time make up second one!
***
Any blonde knows To force the mouse to run away you must scream
***
If we can not sleep - somebody is dreaming of us. Who in the world is watching second season with my participation?
***
How the world has changed after all. Those who formerly was known as pirates have robbed the people. Now - those who are giving away and sharing with ordinary people.
- Why did you came to the party with a bandage on the eye?
- I did not have time make up second one!
***
Any blonde knows To force the mouse to run away you must scream
***
If we can not sleep - somebody is dreaming of us. Who in the world is watching second season with my participation?
***
How the world has changed after all. Those who formerly was known as pirates have robbed the people. Now - those who are giving away and sharing with ordinary people.
What I did wrong?
- I am cautious just in case I am driving with pulled "handbrake". In repair shop they say "stupid" Have I done something wrong?
***
Today, catching the runaway bus driver stopped and began to wait. But I'm proud ... I ran past!
***
Today, catching the runaway bus driver stopped and began to wait. But I'm proud ... I ran past!
Jokes about divorcing
A guy calls his mother-in-law: - Take your daughter back. We have lived together only a month, and I can not hold anymore!
Mother-in-law: - Sorry son-in-law, after 14 days, the manufacturer will not accept returns!
***
- If I leave you for another man, will you feel sorry?
- Feel sorry for strangers?
Secret joke
-There has to be secret in each girl- sayd blonde and ate a collection of riddles.
***
First lesson in auto school for blondes. "Prays"
***
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