Where blonde dresses

The blonde asked where she dresses. Blonde:
What a strange question, where I woke up, there I dresses.
***
Blonde comes to small town and asks a granny:
Q: Where can I go at night?
A: At night you can go to bucket.

Girls weight

Girls getting married usually weight 60-70 pounds. Weight is so small to easier sneak into the house of husband. In a short time they weight 2-3 times more so they are harder to get out of that house.
***
When I was younger, old ladies came to me on the weddings and always told "You are next!" but now they keep silence cause in funerals I am telling them "You are next!"

Blonde revenge

Upon learning that her former husband will marry a young neighbor, she took revenge on him from a purely feminine guile: she married neighbors father and became a mother-in-law to ex husband.

It's me, your pussy!

Husband dresses up, wife looks at his back and asks:
-Whoever scratched your back so badly?
Husband blushes with embarrassment:
-Can you imagine I was walking down the street yesterday and suddenly cat fell from the balcony on my back... do you believe me?
-Of course I do, There's lipstick, it says: "It's me, your pussy!"

Blonde puzzling

Blonde puzzling:
I don't understand the psychology of men- he calls any time and says "I will be in 10 minutes."  Do they realy think we are born with shaved legs, makeup and lacy underwear.
***
At night in bed blonde says "Let me closer to you" and after some time "while you still warm"
***
Usually girls love dolls and boys love cars. But it's only until 15 and then its opposite!

Why do men lover ladies with long legs?

Q:Why do men love ladies with long legs?
A: Study physics, so longer the lever so less power you have to put!
***
 Blondes are so worried about cellulite that you might think they are walking around with bare ass.

Will you marry me?

Q:How is your preparation to wedding?
A: We just discuss details, I cant choose wedding dress, he dont want to marry at all
***
Q: Will you marry me?
A: Oh, I dont know, it's so unexpected. I even did not finished guestlist to the wedding.
***

If you are near vulcano and can't survive lava, freeze in strange position to blow mind of archeologists in next millenium.

Would you like a muscled man began to devour you with eyes?

Would you like a muscled man began to devour you with eyes, reach you with hands, and ask to show that you have under your clothes? Pretend that you have something stolen In front of store security guard.
***
Q: How goes your weekend?
A: Bad she did not allow me in, she said forget that you have one, turned off my pc and dragged me to the bed.
***
Another day appears a waste of makeup...
***

Stop flirting with the patients, we are working in the morgue.

The doctor to nurse:
- Stop flirting with the patients, we are working in the morgue.
***
Q: Honey, do you like my blose?
A: Yes.
Q: But you did not look at it!
A: But I said the correct answer.

Happiness

I bought a ring to my girlfriend. No she is jumping from happiness. It's a basketball ring.
***
If you put mirrors inside fridge, there comes 3 more time food.
***
Now like a honest women I have to marry you.

Can you swim?

Q: Can you swim?
A: Yes!
Q And where did you learn that?
A: In the water!
***
Q: How do you feel?
A: I am feeling like I wanted a cake!
***
Somebody told blonde that thoughts got material and she was so afraid that she quit to think at all.

It's makeup

Hero wanted to fight with monster, he went to cave and knock on the door. Door opens and there was attractive blonde.
Hero: I want to see a monster.
Blonde: I am a monster.
Hero: But you are beautiful.
Blonde: It's makeup
***
-Why did'nt you tell you such a bitch?
-Surprise!

Here is your nose.

Here is your nose, I found it in my business.
***
Q: Why I did not saw you with that attractive blonde?
A: She get married.
Q: With whom?
A: With me!
***
Q: Doctor, I'm working as horse, eating as hog and tired as a dog, what should I do?
A: I don't know, I'm not a vet.

You don't see what your wife is doing in a house?

Blonde: This morning I realized that getting old- pancakes are get better and better.
***
Blonde's logic is designed to stupefy male psyche.
***
You don't see what your wife is doing in a house?
You will notice when she does not do it!

Good news and bad news

Doctor: I have good news and bad news, which one you want to know first?
Patient: Let's start with good one.
Doctor: Your illness will be called in your name...
***
-What a lack of tack, I said my wife is waiting a baby and you are asking from whom?
-Oh, I am sorry, I thought you know!
***
Husband is eating a spaghetti.
Wife: Do you love me?
Husband: Honey you are asking me single day, why don't you ask, do I love spaghetti?