Blonde you can't afford, you can eat with eyes.
***
Sleep in first date with blonde- no problems, but if you try to insert flash drive in her computer- no, no, no, there could be virus.
***
In the wedding night. Husband:
"You know, honey, if you slept with me before marriage, I would not marry you"
Wife:
"I knew that, so much men thrown me until I realized, where is the problem."
***
Wife: Honey, my belly grows, seems to me, I'm pregnant.
Husband: And I even know who is father
Wife: Who?
Husband: McDonald.
Where to break with blonde?
The best place to break with the blonde better at McDonalds. There are no sharp knives or forks or hard dishes and you can always hide behind a fat child.
What to bring to the beach?
Q: What to bring to the beach, so when I went on everybody would be stunned?
A: Take skiing.
***
Wanna get married? Shut your eyes and hit your head with hammer 5 times and after 5 m inutes you get a call from person who loves you and recognizes in love. If not- at least you tried.
***
If you don't have children there is a good way to have some fun.
Hire a nurse, tell her that the baby sleeps in another room and there is no need to wake him.
On your return home, ask where is your child.
A: Take skiing.
***
Wanna get married? Shut your eyes and hit your head with hammer 5 times and after 5 m inutes you get a call from person who loves you and recognizes in love. If not- at least you tried.
***
If you don't have children there is a good way to have some fun.
Hire a nurse, tell her that the baby sleeps in another room and there is no need to wake him.
On your return home, ask where is your child.
You call me!
Boy: You call me!
Girl: No, you call me!
Boy: Better you!
Girl: Of course I'm better, you call me.
***
Girl: No, you call me!
Boy: Better you!
Girl: Of course I'm better, you call me.
***
Husband complains about his wife to a specialist in family relationships:
- She keeps a diary, describing all the deeds and actions, right down to the smallest detail!
- So what? Many people keep diaries! There is nothing unusual ...
- Yes, but my keeps him to the next week!
- She keeps a diary, describing all the deeds and actions, right down to the smallest detail!
- So what? Many people keep diaries! There is nothing unusual ...
- Yes, but my keeps him to the next week!
Why did you call the dog my name?
Husband: Why did you call the dog my name?
Wife: I went him to the vet and he says its useless stupid dog.
***
Blonde: And why should I said to that hairdresser surprise me!
***
Blonde1: Honey, you are very thin, probably on a strict diet?
Blonde2: Yes, Beauty requires sacrifice.
Blonde1: Yes, but you have brought to sacrifice beauty!
***
- Dad, if the animal skin filled with something, you get - a scarecrow?
His father, glancing at his wife in a fur coat:
- It's true, my son, scarecrow.
Wife: I went him to the vet and he says its useless stupid dog.
***
Blonde: And why should I said to that hairdresser surprise me!
***
Blonde1: Honey, you are very thin, probably on a strict diet?
Blonde2: Yes, Beauty requires sacrifice.
Blonde1: Yes, but you have brought to sacrifice beauty!
***
- Dad, if the animal skin filled with something, you get - a scarecrow?
His father, glancing at his wife in a fur coat:
- It's true, my son, scarecrow.
Don't want to be like others?
Sometimes blonde is nice only because she is not attractive enough to be evil.
***
Blonde is swimming naked so that trainer did not notice she forgot the pool hat.
***
Don't want to be like others? Erase your Facebook page.
***
Q: Girl, isn't it hot in jeans today?
A: No its okay without underwear.
***
Blonde is swimming naked so that trainer did not notice she forgot the pool hat.
***
Don't want to be like others? Erase your Facebook page.
***
Q: Girl, isn't it hot in jeans today?
A: No its okay without underwear.
Blonde is walking down the street
Long legged blonde is walking down the street, there from the behind guy comes closer and says:
"What a beautiful long legs you have!"
Blonde with sorrow in voice:
What the point with such an ugly face!"
Husband is coming home late. Wife"
"Where the hell have you been?"
Husband:
"And how did you know, you was there, too?
"What a beautiful long legs you have!"
Blonde with sorrow in voice:
What the point with such an ugly face!"
Husband is coming home late. Wife"
"Where the hell have you been?"
Husband:
"And how did you know, you was there, too?
Will you give me Calgon?
In 14 blonde looks like she is 20, in 20 she tries to look like she is 14
***
Q: John did you see my new pictures?
A: Those where you topless on the beach? No I did not.
***
The gynecologist put a spiral to blonde.
The blonde got dressed and asked:
-Will you give me Calgon?
-Why do you need Calgon?
-Without Calgon there forms a limescale.
***
Q: John did you see my new pictures?
A: Those where you topless on the beach? No I did not.
***
The gynecologist put a spiral to blonde.
The blonde got dressed and asked:
-Will you give me Calgon?
-Why do you need Calgon?
-Without Calgon there forms a limescale.
Why there is a female doctor but not a male?
Q:Why there is a female doctor but not a male?
A: Because to be a man is not a disease.
A: Because to be a man is not a disease.
Rain shower
Early morning, terrible cold and rain shower. A man comes in baker's and asks two cakes.
"One for Merry and one for me!"
"Merry is your wife?" A baker interests politely.
"Of course, do you think my mother would venture me out in this weather?"
"One for Merry and one for me!"
"Merry is your wife?" A baker interests politely.
"Of course, do you think my mother would venture me out in this weather?"
Where blonde dresses
The blonde asked where she dresses. Blonde:
What a strange question, where I woke up, there I dresses.
***
Blonde comes to small town and asks a granny:
Q: Where can I go at night?
A: At night you can go to bucket.
What a strange question, where I woke up, there I dresses.
***
Blonde comes to small town and asks a granny:
Q: Where can I go at night?
A: At night you can go to bucket.
Girls weight
Girls getting married usually weight 60-70 pounds. Weight is so small to easier sneak into the house of husband. In a short time they weight 2-3 times more so they are harder to get out of that house.
***
When I was younger, old ladies came to me on the weddings and always told "You are next!" but now they keep silence cause in funerals I am telling them "You are next!"
***
When I was younger, old ladies came to me on the weddings and always told "You are next!" but now they keep silence cause in funerals I am telling them "You are next!"
Blonde revenge
Upon learning that her former husband will marry a young neighbor, she took revenge on him from a purely feminine guile: she married neighbors father and became a mother-in-law to ex husband.
It's me, your pussy!
Husband dresses up, wife looks at his back and asks:
-Whoever scratched your back so badly?
Husband blushes with embarrassment:
-Can you imagine I was walking down the street yesterday and suddenly cat fell from the balcony on my back... do you believe me?
-Of course I do, There's lipstick, it says: "It's me, your pussy!"
-Whoever scratched your back so badly?
Husband blushes with embarrassment:
-Can you imagine I was walking down the street yesterday and suddenly cat fell from the balcony on my back... do you believe me?
-Of course I do, There's lipstick, it says: "It's me, your pussy!"
Blonde puzzling
Blonde puzzling:
I don't understand the psychology of men- he calls any time and says "I will be in 10 minutes." Do they realy think we are born with shaved legs, makeup and lacy underwear.
***
At night in bed blonde says "Let me closer to you" and after some time "while you still warm"
***
Usually girls love dolls and boys love cars. But it's only until 15 and then its opposite!
I don't understand the psychology of men- he calls any time and says "I will be in 10 minutes." Do they realy think we are born with shaved legs, makeup and lacy underwear.
***
At night in bed blonde says "Let me closer to you" and after some time "while you still warm"
***
Usually girls love dolls and boys love cars. But it's only until 15 and then its opposite!
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