Why didn't you shave?

Wife: Why didn't you shave, we are going to theater.
Husband: I did, .... when you started to dress.
***
Manager is hitting his head against a wall. Colleague asks: What happened?
Manager: You can't understand, I have to blondes in my department

Honey, we are going after 2 hours

If guy are looking to the blondes mouth all the time, it does not mean, he is listening.
***
Do you know any other methods to prepare for tests, beside prays?
***
Husband: "Honey, we are going after 2 hours."
Wife: "But I just washed my hairs, they will not get dry!"
Husband: "We have a hairdryer, and scissors in worst scenario."

Is your wife stupid?

Is your wife stupid? Maybe thats why she married you?
***
Blonde gets stucked onj the elevator. Man:
"Whats wrong?"
Blonde: "They said go to the third and turn right but there are only up and down buttons."

What's the difference between these two phones?

Blonde: What's the difference between these two phones?
Seller: Difference is- this is MP3 player but that- photocamera.
***
Blonde is drowning. After saving one lifeguard:
"If not us, you would feed fishes at the bottom of the river!"
Blonde: "Feed fishes- by what?"

I thought I did a great speech

Everyone who tastes her hinge awaits punishment on ceramic chair.
***
The hardest thing when she says "Let's divorce" is not to do false start.
***
I thought I did a great speech but it appears they were just waiting when boobs from the dress jumps out

If I were your wife I would poison your cofee.

Blonde: If I were your wife I would poison your cofee.
Man: If I were your husband, I would drink it.
***
Big girls don't cry. But they eat a lot.
***
With years so much mystery added to blonde but so fewer who wanted to solve them.
***
It it truth- when blondes clean teeth do they swallow toothpasta?
***

Are you angry in me?

She said "no" , 5 seconds she was proud of herself, 6 hours she was crying and now she is drunk for 7 days.
***
I am no a bitch, I am choosing a husband.
***
All the great jobs in history was done by people who was too lazy to defend diploma.
***
Q:Are you angry in me?
A:No, I am looking for shotgun.

Sister, do I have any hope?

In the hospital:
Patient: Sister, do I have any hope?
Nurse: Absolutely not, you are not my type.
***
"Darling, lets get lover!"
"Lets get who?"
"Dog, sorry, I pondered"

Compliment about the beautiful mustache

You do a compliment about the beautiful mustache and she is no more talking to you.
***
A blonde without a sex is like a flower without water.. will die or become a cactus
***

Blonde you can't afford

Blonde you can't afford,  you can eat with eyes.
***
Sleep in first date with blonde- no problems, but if you try to insert flash drive in her computer- no, no, no, there could be virus.
***
In the wedding night. Husband:
"You know, honey, if you slept with me before marriage, I would not marry you"
Wife:
"I knew that, so much men thrown me until I realized, where is the problem."
***
Wife: Honey, my belly grows, seems to me, I'm pregnant.
Husband: And I even know who is father
Wife: Who?
Husband: McDonald.

Where to break with blonde?

The best place to break with the blonde better at McDonalds. There are no sharp knives or forks or hard dishes and you can always hide behind a fat child.

What to bring to the beach?

Q: What to bring to the beach, so when I went on everybody would be stunned?
A: Take skiing.
***
Wanna get married? Shut your eyes and hit your head with hammer 5 times and after 5 m inutes you get a call from person who loves you and recognizes in love. If not- at least you tried.
***
If you don't have children there is a good way to have some fun.
Hire a nurse, tell her that the baby sleeps in another room and there is no need to wake him.
On your return home, ask where is your child.

You call me!

Boy: You call me!
Girl: No, you call me!
Boy: Better you!
Girl: Of course I'm better, you call me.
***

Husband complains about his wife to a specialist in family relationships:
- She keeps a diary, describing all the deeds and actions, right down to the smallest detail!
- So what? Many people keep diaries! There is nothing unusual ...
- Yes, but my keeps him to the next week!

Why did you call the dog my name?

Husband: Why did you call the dog my name?
Wife: I went him to the vet and he says its useless stupid dog.
***
Blonde: And why should I said to that hairdresser surprise me!
***
Blonde1: Honey, you are very thin, probably on a strict diet?
Blonde2: Yes, Beauty requires sacrifice.
Blonde1: Yes, but you have brought to sacrifice beauty!
***
- Dad, if the animal skin filled with something, you get - a scarecrow?
His father, glancing at his wife in a fur coat:
- It's true, my son, scarecrow.

Don't want to be like others?

Sometimes blonde is nice only because she is not attractive enough to be evil.
***
Blonde  is swimming naked so that trainer did not notice she forgot the pool hat.
***
Don't want to be like others? Erase your Facebook page.
***
Q: Girl, isn't it hot in jeans today?
A: No its okay without underwear.