Can you swim?

Q: Can you swim?
A: Yes!
Q And where did you learn that?
A: In the water!
***
Q: How do you feel?
A: I am feeling like I wanted a cake!
***
Somebody told blonde that thoughts got material and she was so afraid that she quit to think at all.

It's makeup

Hero wanted to fight with monster, he went to cave and knock on the door. Door opens and there was attractive blonde.
Hero: I want to see a monster.
Blonde: I am a monster.
Hero: But you are beautiful.
Blonde: It's makeup
***
-Why did'nt you tell you such a bitch?
-Surprise!

Here is your nose.

Here is your nose, I found it in my business.
***
Q: Why I did not saw you with that attractive blonde?
A: She get married.
Q: With whom?
A: With me!
***
Q: Doctor, I'm working as horse, eating as hog and tired as a dog, what should I do?
A: I don't know, I'm not a vet.

You don't see what your wife is doing in a house?

Blonde: This morning I realized that getting old- pancakes are get better and better.
***
Blonde's logic is designed to stupefy male psyche.
***
You don't see what your wife is doing in a house?
You will notice when she does not do it!

Good news and bad news

Doctor: I have good news and bad news, which one you want to know first?
Patient: Let's start with good one.
Doctor: Your illness will be called in your name...
***
-What a lack of tack, I said my wife is waiting a baby and you are asking from whom?
-Oh, I am sorry, I thought you know!
***
Husband is eating a spaghetti.
Wife: Do you love me?
Husband: Honey you are asking me single day, why don't you ask, do I love spaghetti?

Why did your husband died?

Girl1: Why did your husband died?
Girl2: He was bitten by a mosquito ...
Girl1: Well, that is not the reason not die ...
Girl2: No, you do not understand. Mosquitoes are mortal enemies of rope walkers.
***
Wife: Honey, could you vacuum room?
Husband: I am so tired, that my hands are shaking
Wife: Wonderful, in that case shake out the rug.

Boy's haircut

The blonde resorts to a boyfriend on a date:
- You see, I made a boy's haircut.
- I hope only a haircut?
***
In ancient Sparta, the weak and ugly boys were thrown into the abyss.
That is why Greece don't have the chess team!

Pager

The girl came out of the fifteen-year coma and immediately sent message all her friends to a pager.

***
He: To check how smart they are I sent sms message to all my friends "Call me I cant find my phone" and you know- they all called!
She: Did you find your phone at last?
He: It approves my theory.

Why this cow has no horns?

Blonde is driving past farm and in line with farmer she stops and asks:
"Why this cow has no horns?"
Farmer: "Well... cows can make a great damage with horns, therefore we saw them, sometimes we use acid, but main reason why this cow has no horns- it's a horse."
***
- My female cat is depressed, could you suggest any professional help?
- Well... any male cat would be ok.
***
To interrupt a talking blonde is allowed only with the words "Sale!", "I love you!", "Yes", and "Fire!"

Hi kitty!

He: Hi kitty!
She: I don't like cats, I have allergic on them!
He: And who do you love?
She: I like dogs.
He: In that case hi bitch!
***
Blonde: As a perfect women I know when to shut up but I can't.

A tank suit

Q: He does not love me anymore, he is just playing computer all the time.
A: Wear a suit of his favorite online game hero  ...
Q: Where to get a tank suit?
***
Q: You are so beautiful, why don't we know each other?
A: God protects you, silly!

Blonde obsessed on touch phone

The blonde, obsessed with her touch phone, in the restaurant began to stroke the waiter, waiting for a menu appearance.
***
When blonde realizes her full strength, she becomes a ... bitch!
***
Q: Do you know what virgins eat on a breakfast?
A: I have no idea.
Q: I knew it!

Impregnable blonde

High moral and impregnable blonde - the one that forget shave her legs.
***
Q: They say you got married? 
A: Yes.
Q: And who have you made ​​happy?
A: My mom.

Blonde bra

Blonde with breasts of the D size  accidentally spoiled the mood of the entire female part at the corporate party.
***
Have you ever wondered why bras used by the letters A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G and H for size designation?
It's time to reveal this mystery:
A -Almost boobs;
В - Ваrеlу thеrе;
С - Саn't соmрlаin;
D - Dаmn!;
DD - Dоublе Dаmn!;
Е - Еnоrmоus;
F - Fаkе;
G - Gеt rеduсtiоn;
and at last
Н - Неlр mе! I havе fаllеn аnd саn't gеt uр!

Blonde is listening to the music

Blonde in a crowded bus is listening to the music. She wanted to fart and she thinks, when there will be drums party in music she will fart and no one can hear. And then goes drums and she farted very loudly. Then she noticed that everybody is looking at her and she remembers that she was in the headphones.
***
Q: What's wrong with your face?
A: Yesterday I went to the gym to improve my shapes
Q: I am asking about your face
A: So in the gym one bodybuilder dropped a dumbbell to his feet
Q: And your face?
A: And my face decided to laugh at him...

How old are you?

Boy: How old are you?
Blonde: I am 20.
Boy: But 2 years ago you told the same.
Blonde: I am not the one, who changes opinion every day!
***
On psychologist:
Blonde: Doctor, I am very suspicious, can you help me?
Doctor: Of course!
Blonde: Look at you, you are lying and not blushing!

How to make blonde busy

Q: How to make busy blonde or monkey to 4 hours?
A: Give them a mirror!
****
A man goes to a pharmacy and asks:
- Give me 30 condoms!
Seller:
- Do you need some paper bag?
Man:
- No, she is beautiful!

Naive

-Give me your phone!
-Look at you, how quick, is that love at first sight?
-Look at you, how naive. This is a robbery!