Why this cow has no horns?

Blonde is driving past farm and in line with farmer she stops and asks:
"Why this cow has no horns?"
Farmer: "Well... cows can make a great damage with horns, therefore we saw them, sometimes we use acid, but main reason why this cow has no horns- it's a horse."
***
- My female cat is depressed, could you suggest any professional help?
- Well... any male cat would be ok.
***
To interrupt a talking blonde is allowed only with the words "Sale!", "I love you!", "Yes", and "Fire!"

Hi kitty!

He: Hi kitty!
She: I don't like cats, I have allergic on them!
He: And who do you love?
She: I like dogs.
He: In that case hi bitch!
***
Blonde: As a perfect women I know when to shut up but I can't.

A tank suit

Q: He does not love me anymore, he is just playing computer all the time.
A: Wear a suit of his favorite online game hero  ...
Q: Where to get a tank suit?
***
Q: You are so beautiful, why don't we know each other?
A: God protects you, silly!

Blonde obsessed on touch phone

The blonde, obsessed with her touch phone, in the restaurant began to stroke the waiter, waiting for a menu appearance.
***
When blonde realizes her full strength, she becomes a ... bitch!
***
Q: Do you know what virgins eat on a breakfast?
A: I have no idea.
Q: I knew it!

Impregnable blonde

High moral and impregnable blonde - the one that forget shave her legs.
***
Q: They say you got married? 
A: Yes.
Q: And who have you made ​​happy?
A: My mom.

Blonde bra

Blonde with breasts of the D size  accidentally spoiled the mood of the entire female part at the corporate party.
***
Have you ever wondered why bras used by the letters A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G and H for size designation?
It's time to reveal this mystery:
A -Almost boobs;
В - Ваrеlу thеrе;
С - Саn't соmрlаin;
D - Dаmn!;
DD - Dоublе Dаmn!;
Е - Еnоrmоus;
F - Fаkе;
G - Gеt rеduсtiоn;
and at last
Н - Неlр mе! I havе fаllеn аnd саn't gеt uр!

Blonde is listening to the music

Blonde in a crowded bus is listening to the music. She wanted to fart and she thinks, when there will be drums party in music she will fart and no one can hear. And then goes drums and she farted very loudly. Then she noticed that everybody is looking at her and she remembers that she was in the headphones.
***
Q: What's wrong with your face?
A: Yesterday I went to the gym to improve my shapes
Q: I am asking about your face
A: So in the gym one bodybuilder dropped a dumbbell to his feet
Q: And your face?
A: And my face decided to laugh at him...

How old are you?

Boy: How old are you?
Blonde: I am 20.
Boy: But 2 years ago you told the same.
Blonde: I am not the one, who changes opinion every day!
***
On psychologist:
Blonde: Doctor, I am very suspicious, can you help me?
Doctor: Of course!
Blonde: Look at you, you are lying and not blushing!

How to make blonde busy

Q: How to make busy blonde or monkey to 4 hours?
A: Give them a mirror!
****
A man goes to a pharmacy and asks:
- Give me 30 condoms!
Seller:
- Do you need some paper bag?
Man:
- No, she is beautiful!

Naive

-Give me your phone!
-Look at you, how quick, is that love at first sight?
-Look at you, how naive. This is a robbery!

Bright side of life

I want something bright in my life. Like blonde.
***
I can't love blondes. I'm finishing too soon.
***
Question: What should I take t op the beach to make everybody in shock?
Answer: Sledge.
***
Blondes who guzzle and did not get fat are definitely witches.

Jokes about drugs

Blonde in a drugstore cant choose condom.
'Which rubber is best to buy?"  She asks to seller.
There are winter outside, take with spikes.
***
Doctor: Did the drugs prescribed to you frem the megalomania, helped?
Patient: Of course, you, miserable bug!

Why

Question: Why do you pick up the phone only after ten rings?
Answer:   They thinks I have a big house
***
Legend told there are blonde who, opening wardrobe knows what she will wear.
***
The paradox: Most blondes have genius children from stupid husband.
***
Worst beast in the world is blonde on diet, trying to quit smoking during menstruation.
***
Man, standing next to a pretty girl, says in mobile phone:
-Hey, I buy me shares in Google for 50 million bucks. 
Then he tries to date a blonde.
Blonde:
-No Mr. billionaire, I'm not dating with so uncivilized. You throw a paper past the trash box.

Watch out

A blonde cries in only two cases: when she is unhappy and when she is happy.

***

At job interview.

I: You'll watch out an order in our company.
B: Like a manager?
I: Like a janitor.

***

Blonde train driver, parking locomotive, manage to scratch the two adjacent trains.

Bad luck

Are you afraid of black cats? It is ridiculous. Really bad luck is when an angry grizly is tearing your tent.

***

- Honey, I lost two pounds.
- Do not forget to wash away.

***

Russian roulette for sysadmins.

Use blonde instead of bullets: put her to your terminal with full access rights to the system.