A problem with the hair on the legs are fixed

She did  not eat any sweet or salty or fried or fatty, and died of envy.
***
- Girls! A problem with the hair on the legs are fixed. Let them grow!
(Adele: Let them burn)
***
Husband: Imagine you have a dream car, but every month it have a week of preventations and two weeks before it cant drive because it waits for that preventation.
Wife: And why should I keep that car... wait a minute... what are you hinting at?

Blonde is walking through the desert.

Blonde is walking through the desert.
Blonde: "God, please give me some water, I am thirsty, no, stop throwing that shovels on me!"
***
To have entertaining chat with blonde, all you have to do is to nod silently from time to time.
***
Q: "Where is your boyfriend?
A: "He did not pass the test"
Q: "What test?"

What is worst- wife don't like to cook or wife can't cook?

Q: What is worst- wife don't like to cook or wife can't cook?
A: Worst thing is -wife like to cook but can't.
***
Women's bra is like bag of chips- open it and half are empty.

Who is afraid of rain in room?

During discussion with blonde, if you are armored with logic, facts and clear mind, you are dead end.
***
Do I look like fool?
Of course not, silly!
***
Blonde:I need IPhone 7th.
Seller:Wait a minute, there are only IPhone 5.
Blonde:Don't know about you, I lost my sixth.
***
Boy: Why do you have an umbrella?
Guess who: In case of rain.
Boy: Who is afraid of rain in room?
Guess who: I am not afraid , I have an umbrella!

How Blonde can break a leg collecting leaves?

Question: How Blonde can break a leg collecting leaves?
Answer: Easy, by falling from the tree.
***
Question: How can you know is relationship serious?
Answer: If they are taking mortgage loan together.

Who wrote fairy tale about mermaid?

Professor: Who wrote fairy tale about mermaid?
Blonde: Anderson
Professor: But name
Blonde: Pamela?

Hold the wheel!

He: Stop dancing!
She: Why?
He: Just, please stop dancing!
She: Why, it's cool music!
He: Please, stop dancing, hold the wheel!
***
Blondie1: Did you break up with your boyfriend?
Blondie2: No, he said, according to law I have to do my duties for two weeks until he finds a replacement.

What you mean no cigarettes?

Blonde in supermarket:
Blonde: Give me some cigarettes.
Seller: we have no cigarettes.
Blonde: What you mean no cigarettes?
Seller: It's the same thing as we have cigarettes, only in reverse.
***
Ordinary bears think that white bears are fool.
***

What an ugly girls get out from beauty salon. I think they are donors- donors of beauty- salon can't make beauty from nothing so it suck it out from those girls.
***
Woman who don't want anything from you can take away everything.
***

The snake bites soldier John. Doctor says somebody have to suck out poison. Buddies found nurse and said:
" Hurry John is mocking, you have to suck out or he will dye."
After some time buddies come in to room and see blonde is sucking in the wrong place. They ask:
"John why did not you tell her to suck in other place."
John: "To hell with life, I never feel better."

Most kind blonde in the world

There are found most kind blonde.
She buy live fishes and let them free.
In the woods.
***
In San Francisko  took place competition of most stupid name. Winner named Winner took the first place.
***
My wife says I am too impulsive. How could she know, we just met yesterday.
***
Q: Was he alone? Are you shure?
A: Yes, I can count very well to 1.
***
She:That's it. I am leaving you.
He:Who are you and why did you came here?

Life is full of misery

Life is full of misery and suffering and hatred, disappointment and betrayal until finally you find a hairdresser that was right for you!
***
Joka about stupid blondes invented blondes themself.  It is so convenient what can you demand from the fool.
***

The blonde in forum asks,
- Does anyone take drivers licence sixth time? What surprises lurk there?

Ride is cancelled

Husband: I am going to Hippodrome.
Wife: Ride is cancelled I already hit the snout of your filly.
***
Piter: John, yesterday I took my girlfriend to "Otello"
John: "Ah it was  cultural event!"
Piter: "No, it was warning."

Lets get married!

Blonde: Lets get married!
Boyfriend: I don't want to marry, I want to eat!
Blonde: What a silly boy, you can eat up at the wedding.
***

Operation "Clean hands"

Operation "Clean hands" : searching for man without wedding ring.
***
Blonde: Why did I tell to unknown hairdresser "Surprise me!"
***
Q: Is it ok backpack for 15 years old kid with Mickey Mouse?
A: In 15 years it is ok with skull of Mickey Mouse.

What are you thinking about, honey?

She: What are you thinking about, honey?
He: About nothing!
She: Me too!
He: It's easy for you, you have no brains!
***
He:Honey, what is that beautiful smell?
She: Perfume, you presented me yesterday.
He: I did not.
She: Oh you did, check your wallet!
***
If you cant whitening your teeth start to attend solarium.

Do you have a boyfriend?

Blonde1 calls to Blonde 2
Blonde1: I see your boyfriend with fat ugly chick, I will take a shot in case.
Blonde2: Actually it's me...
***
Waitng for performance blonde ate cake from the inside.
***
He:Do you have a boyfriend?
She:Not exactly.
He: Not exactly a boy or not exaclty a friend?

How to control blonde while you are in business trip?

She: My hands are frozen.
He: What a luck, I just have full sink of dirty dishes.
***
Question: How to control blonde while you are in business trip?
Answer: Leave her a puzzle of 7000 pieces, if puzzle is not compound, she was definitely hanging around.

Why didn't you shave?

Wife: Why didn't you shave, we are going to theater.
Husband: I did, .... when you started to dress.
***
Manager is hitting his head against a wall. Colleague asks: What happened?
Manager: You can't understand, I have to blondes in my department

Honey, we are going after 2 hours

If guy are looking to the blondes mouth all the time, it does not mean, he is listening.
***
Do you know any other methods to prepare for tests, beside prays?
***
Husband: "Honey, we are going after 2 hours."
Wife: "But I just washed my hairs, they will not get dry!"
Husband: "We have a hairdryer, and scissors in worst scenario."

Is your wife stupid?

Is your wife stupid? Maybe thats why she married you?
***
Blonde gets stucked onj the elevator. Man:
"Whats wrong?"
Blonde: "They said go to the third and turn right but there are only up and down buttons."

What's the difference between these two phones?

Blonde: What's the difference between these two phones?
Seller: Difference is- this is MP3 player but that- photocamera.
***
Blonde is drowning. After saving one lifeguard:
"If not us, you would feed fishes at the bottom of the river!"
Blonde: "Feed fishes- by what?"

I thought I did a great speech

Everyone who tastes her hinge awaits punishment on ceramic chair.
***
The hardest thing when she says "Let's divorce" is not to do false start.
***
I thought I did a great speech but it appears they were just waiting when boobs from the dress jumps out

If I were your wife I would poison your cofee.

Blonde: If I were your wife I would poison your cofee.
Man: If I were your husband, I would drink it.
***
Big girls don't cry. But they eat a lot.
***
With years so much mystery added to blonde but so fewer who wanted to solve them.
***
It it truth- when blondes clean teeth do they swallow toothpasta?
***

Are you angry in me?

She said "no" , 5 seconds she was proud of herself, 6 hours she was crying and now she is drunk for 7 days.
***
I am no a bitch, I am choosing a husband.
***
All the great jobs in history was done by people who was too lazy to defend diploma.
***
Q:Are you angry in me?
A:No, I am looking for shotgun.

Sister, do I have any hope?

In the hospital:
Patient: Sister, do I have any hope?
Nurse: Absolutely not, you are not my type.
***
"Darling, lets get lover!"
"Lets get who?"
"Dog, sorry, I pondered"

Compliment about the beautiful mustache

You do a compliment about the beautiful mustache and she is no more talking to you.
***
A blonde without a sex is like a flower without water.. will die or become a cactus
***

Blonde you can't afford

Blonde you can't afford,  you can eat with eyes.
***
Sleep in first date with blonde- no problems, but if you try to insert flash drive in her computer- no, no, no, there could be virus.
***
In the wedding night. Husband:
"You know, honey, if you slept with me before marriage, I would not marry you"
Wife:
"I knew that, so much men thrown me until I realized, where is the problem."
***
Wife: Honey, my belly grows, seems to me, I'm pregnant.
Husband: And I even know who is father
Wife: Who?
Husband: McDonald.

Where to break with blonde?

The best place to break with the blonde better at McDonalds. There are no sharp knives or forks or hard dishes and you can always hide behind a fat child.

What to bring to the beach?

Q: What to bring to the beach, so when I went on everybody would be stunned?
A: Take skiing.
***
Wanna get married? Shut your eyes and hit your head with hammer 5 times and after 5 m inutes you get a call from person who loves you and recognizes in love. If not- at least you tried.
***
If you don't have children there is a good way to have some fun.
Hire a nurse, tell her that the baby sleeps in another room and there is no need to wake him.
On your return home, ask where is your child.

You call me!

Boy: You call me!
Girl: No, you call me!
Boy: Better you!
Girl: Of course I'm better, you call me.
***

Husband complains about his wife to a specialist in family relationships:
- She keeps a diary, describing all the deeds and actions, right down to the smallest detail!
- So what? Many people keep diaries! There is nothing unusual ...
- Yes, but my keeps him to the next week!

Why did you call the dog my name?

Husband: Why did you call the dog my name?
Wife: I went him to the vet and he says its useless stupid dog.
***
Blonde: And why should I said to that hairdresser surprise me!
***
Blonde1: Honey, you are very thin, probably on a strict diet?
Blonde2: Yes, Beauty requires sacrifice.
Blonde1: Yes, but you have brought to sacrifice beauty!
***
- Dad, if the animal skin filled with something, you get - a scarecrow?
His father, glancing at his wife in a fur coat:
- It's true, my son, scarecrow.

Don't want to be like others?

Sometimes blonde is nice only because she is not attractive enough to be evil.
***
Blonde  is swimming naked so that trainer did not notice she forgot the pool hat.
***
Don't want to be like others? Erase your Facebook page.
***
Q: Girl, isn't it hot in jeans today?
A: No its okay without underwear.

Blonde is walking down the street

Long legged blonde is walking down the street, there from the behind guy comes closer and says:
"What a beautiful long legs you have!"
 Blonde with sorrow in voice:
What the point with such an ugly face!"

Husband is coming home late. Wife"
"Where the hell have you been?"
Husband:
"And how did you know, you was there, too?

Will you give me Calgon?

In 14 blonde looks like she is 20, in 20 she tries to look like she is 14
***
Q: John did you see my new pictures?
A: Those where you topless on the beach? No I did not.
***
The gynecologist put a spiral to blonde.
The blonde got dressed and asked:
-Will you give me Calgon?
-Why do you need Calgon?
-Without Calgon there forms a limescale.

Why there is a female doctor but not a male?

Q:Why there is a female doctor but not a male?
A: Because to be a man is not a disease.

Rain shower

Early morning, terrible cold and rain shower. A man comes in baker's and asks two cakes.
"One for Merry and one for me!"
"Merry is your wife?" A baker interests politely.
"Of course, do you think my mother would venture me out in this weather?"

Where blonde dresses

The blonde asked where she dresses. Blonde:
What a strange question, where I woke up, there I dresses.
***
Blonde comes to small town and asks a granny:
Q: Where can I go at night?
A: At night you can go to bucket.

Girls weight

Girls getting married usually weight 60-70 pounds. Weight is so small to easier sneak into the house of husband. In a short time they weight 2-3 times more so they are harder to get out of that house.
***
When I was younger, old ladies came to me on the weddings and always told "You are next!" but now they keep silence cause in funerals I am telling them "You are next!"

Blonde revenge

Upon learning that her former husband will marry a young neighbor, she took revenge on him from a purely feminine guile: she married neighbors father and became a mother-in-law to ex husband.

It's me, your pussy!

Husband dresses up, wife looks at his back and asks:
-Whoever scratched your back so badly?
Husband blushes with embarrassment:
-Can you imagine I was walking down the street yesterday and suddenly cat fell from the balcony on my back... do you believe me?
-Of course I do, There's lipstick, it says: "It's me, your pussy!"

Blonde puzzling

Blonde puzzling:
I don't understand the psychology of men- he calls any time and says "I will be in 10 minutes."  Do they realy think we are born with shaved legs, makeup and lacy underwear.
***
At night in bed blonde says "Let me closer to you" and after some time "while you still warm"
***
Usually girls love dolls and boys love cars. But it's only until 15 and then its opposite!

Why do men lover ladies with long legs?

Q:Why do men love ladies with long legs?
A: Study physics, so longer the lever so less power you have to put!
***
 Blondes are so worried about cellulite that you might think they are walking around with bare ass.

Will you marry me?

Q:How is your preparation to wedding?
A: We just discuss details, I cant choose wedding dress, he dont want to marry at all
***
Q: Will you marry me?
A: Oh, I dont know, it's so unexpected. I even did not finished guestlist to the wedding.
***

If you are near vulcano and can't survive lava, freeze in strange position to blow mind of archeologists in next millenium.

Would you like a muscled man began to devour you with eyes?

Would you like a muscled man began to devour you with eyes, reach you with hands, and ask to show that you have under your clothes? Pretend that you have something stolen In front of store security guard.
***
Q: How goes your weekend?
A: Bad she did not allow me in, she said forget that you have one, turned off my pc and dragged me to the bed.
***
Another day appears a waste of makeup...
***

Stop flirting with the patients, we are working in the morgue.

The doctor to nurse:
- Stop flirting with the patients, we are working in the morgue.
***
Q: Honey, do you like my blose?
A: Yes.
Q: But you did not look at it!
A: But I said the correct answer.

Happiness

I bought a ring to my girlfriend. No she is jumping from happiness. It's a basketball ring.
***
If you put mirrors inside fridge, there comes 3 more time food.
***
Now like a honest women I have to marry you.

Can you swim?

Q: Can you swim?
A: Yes!
Q And where did you learn that?
A: In the water!
***
Q: How do you feel?
A: I am feeling like I wanted a cake!
***
Somebody told blonde that thoughts got material and she was so afraid that she quit to think at all.

It's makeup

Hero wanted to fight with monster, he went to cave and knock on the door. Door opens and there was attractive blonde.
Hero: I want to see a monster.
Blonde: I am a monster.
Hero: But you are beautiful.
Blonde: It's makeup
***
-Why did'nt you tell you such a bitch?
-Surprise!

Here is your nose.

Here is your nose, I found it in my business.
***
Q: Why I did not saw you with that attractive blonde?
A: She get married.
Q: With whom?
A: With me!
***
Q: Doctor, I'm working as horse, eating as hog and tired as a dog, what should I do?
A: I don't know, I'm not a vet.

You don't see what your wife is doing in a house?

Blonde: This morning I realized that getting old- pancakes are get better and better.
***
Blonde's logic is designed to stupefy male psyche.
***
You don't see what your wife is doing in a house?
You will notice when she does not do it!

Good news and bad news

Doctor: I have good news and bad news, which one you want to know first?
Patient: Let's start with good one.
Doctor: Your illness will be called in your name...
***
-What a lack of tack, I said my wife is waiting a baby and you are asking from whom?
-Oh, I am sorry, I thought you know!
***
Husband is eating a spaghetti.
Wife: Do you love me?
Husband: Honey you are asking me single day, why don't you ask, do I love spaghetti?

Why did your husband died?

Girl1: Why did your husband died?
Girl2: He was bitten by a mosquito ...
Girl1: Well, that is not the reason not die ...
Girl2: No, you do not understand. Mosquitoes are mortal enemies of rope walkers.
***
Wife: Honey, could you vacuum room?
Husband: I am so tired, that my hands are shaking
Wife: Wonderful, in that case shake out the rug.

Boy's haircut

The blonde resorts to a boyfriend on a date:
- You see, I made a boy's haircut.
- I hope only a haircut?
***
In ancient Sparta, the weak and ugly boys were thrown into the abyss.
That is why Greece don't have the chess team!

Pager

The girl came out of the fifteen-year coma and immediately sent message all her friends to a pager.

***
He: To check how smart they are I sent sms message to all my friends "Call me I cant find my phone" and you know- they all called!
She: Did you find your phone at last?
He: It approves my theory.

Why this cow has no horns?

Blonde is driving past farm and in line with farmer she stops and asks:
"Why this cow has no horns?"
Farmer: "Well... cows can make a great damage with horns, therefore we saw them, sometimes we use acid, but main reason why this cow has no horns- it's a horse."
***
- My female cat is depressed, could you suggest any professional help?
- Well... any male cat would be ok.
***
To interrupt a talking blonde is allowed only with the words "Sale!", "I love you!", "Yes", and "Fire!"

Hi kitty!

He: Hi kitty!
She: I don't like cats, I have allergic on them!
He: And who do you love?
She: I like dogs.
He: In that case hi bitch!
***
Blonde: As a perfect women I know when to shut up but I can't.

A tank suit

Q: He does not love me anymore, he is just playing computer all the time.
A: Wear a suit of his favorite online game hero  ...
Q: Where to get a tank suit?
***
Q: You are so beautiful, why don't we know each other?
A: God protects you, silly!

Blonde obsessed on touch phone

The blonde, obsessed with her touch phone, in the restaurant began to stroke the waiter, waiting for a menu appearance.
***
When blonde realizes her full strength, she becomes a ... bitch!
***
Q: Do you know what virgins eat on a breakfast?
A: I have no idea.
Q: I knew it!

Impregnable blonde

High moral and impregnable blonde - the one that forget shave her legs.
***
Q: They say you got married? 
A: Yes.
Q: And who have you made ​​happy?
A: My mom.

Blonde bra

Blonde with breasts of the D size  accidentally spoiled the mood of the entire female part at the corporate party.
***
Have you ever wondered why bras used by the letters A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G and H for size designation?
It's time to reveal this mystery:
A -Almost boobs;
В - Ваrеlу thеrе;
С - Саn't соmрlаin;
D - Dаmn!;
DD - Dоublе Dаmn!;
Е - Еnоrmоus;
F - Fаkе;
G - Gеt rеduсtiоn;
and at last
Н - Неlр mе! I havе fаllеn аnd саn't gеt uр!

Blonde is listening to the music

Blonde in a crowded bus is listening to the music. She wanted to fart and she thinks, when there will be drums party in music she will fart and no one can hear. And then goes drums and she farted very loudly. Then she noticed that everybody is looking at her and she remembers that she was in the headphones.
***
Q: What's wrong with your face?
A: Yesterday I went to the gym to improve my shapes
Q: I am asking about your face
A: So in the gym one bodybuilder dropped a dumbbell to his feet
Q: And your face?
A: And my face decided to laugh at him...

How old are you?

Boy: How old are you?
Blonde: I am 20.
Boy: But 2 years ago you told the same.
Blonde: I am not the one, who changes opinion every day!
***
On psychologist:
Blonde: Doctor, I am very suspicious, can you help me?
Doctor: Of course!
Blonde: Look at you, you are lying and not blushing!

How to make blonde busy

Q: How to make busy blonde or monkey to 4 hours?
A: Give them a mirror!
****
A man goes to a pharmacy and asks:
- Give me 30 condoms!
Seller:
- Do you need some paper bag?
Man:
- No, she is beautiful!

Naive

-Give me your phone!
-Look at you, how quick, is that love at first sight?
-Look at you, how naive. This is a robbery!

Bright side of life

I want something bright in my life. Like blonde.
***
I can't love blondes. I'm finishing too soon.
***
Question: What should I take t op the beach to make everybody in shock?
Answer: Sledge.
***
Blondes who guzzle and did not get fat are definitely witches.

Jokes about drugs

Blonde in a drugstore cant choose condom.
'Which rubber is best to buy?"  She asks to seller.
There are winter outside, take with spikes.
***
Doctor: Did the drugs prescribed to you frem the megalomania, helped?
Patient: Of course, you, miserable bug!

Why

Question: Why do you pick up the phone only after ten rings?
Answer:   They thinks I have a big house
***
Legend told there are blonde who, opening wardrobe knows what she will wear.
***
The paradox: Most blondes have genius children from stupid husband.
***
Worst beast in the world is blonde on diet, trying to quit smoking during menstruation.
***
Man, standing next to a pretty girl, says in mobile phone:
-Hey, I buy me shares in Google for 50 million bucks. 
Then he tries to date a blonde.
Blonde:
-No Mr. billionaire, I'm not dating with so uncivilized. You throw a paper past the trash box.

Watch out

A blonde cries in only two cases: when she is unhappy and when she is happy.

***

At job interview.

I: You'll watch out an order in our company.
B: Like a manager?
I: Like a janitor.

***

Blonde train driver, parking locomotive, manage to scratch the two adjacent trains.

Bad luck

Are you afraid of black cats? It is ridiculous. Really bad luck is when an angry grizly is tearing your tent.

***

- Honey, I lost two pounds.
- Do not forget to wash away.

***

Russian roulette for sysadmins.

Use blonde instead of bullets: put her to your terminal with full access rights to the system.

Behind the limits

If blonde saw a diamond ring and exclaimed: "Oh, this is the limit of my dreams!", Do not rush to buy it, since then "behind the limits" begins.
***
In the absence of clothing a blondes absence of mind is not so noticeable.
***
Animal trainer's wife after sex gets snack.

Blonde came to the doctor

The blonde in the diagnostic office:
- Oh, I have been here yesterday, and did it .. EEС?
- EEG-electroencephalography ... study of the brain.
- Ah, well, that's it... You gave me the result of yesterday, I scrolled into a tube then twisted, and then I did makeup, then sunbath in the solarium, and then ... in general, lost somewhere ... and  now I had to go to psychologist.
- All clear ...
The doctor takes out a school notebook in ticker, torn out a double leaf from the middle, put on the bottom yesterday's date and signature:
- Take it... the same result as yesterday...

good news and bad news

-Dou you have your wifes photo naked?
-No!
-Want some?
 ***
-I have two news for you...
-Let's start from the good one.
-I m sorry, they are both bad...
***
-My wife tries to kill me
-Why do you think so
-Every day she tighting my tie but today she lather it

Am I fool?

Wife to her husband -Do you think I'm blind and complete fool?
- Honey, well, you're not blind!

Cry baby cry

Two blondes:
- Why did you came to the party with a bandage on the eye?
- I did not have time make up second one!
***
Any blonde knows To force the mouse to run away  you must scream
***
  If we can not sleep - somebody is dreaming of us. Who in the world is watching second season with my participation?
***
  How the world has changed after all. Those who formerly was known as pirates  have robbed the people. Now - those who are giving away and sharing with ordinary people.

What I did wrong?

- I am cautious just in case I am driving with pulled "handbrake". In repair shop they say "stupid" Have I done something wrong?
***
Today, catching the runaway bus driver stopped and began to wait. But I'm proud ... I ran past!

Jokes about divorcing

A guy calls his mother-in-law: - Take your daughter back. We have lived together only a month, and I can not hold anymore! Mother-in-law: - Sorry son-in-law, after 14 days, the manufacturer will not accept returns! *** - If I leave you for another man, will you feel sorry? - Feel sorry for strangers?

Secret joke

-There has to be secret in each girl- sayd blonde and ate a collection of riddles. *** First lesson in auto school for blondes. "Prays" ***

Jokes about high tits

If to pump a helium instead of silicone, you can get really high tits. ************************************************ England, an ancient castle. The family met in an exceptional event the daughter of a noble family became the call girl. The first in a prolonged silence, took the word Lord himself: - This is a dark stain on our glorious history. My daughter has disgraced us all! After a short pause he added: - In our family no one ever worked!

-What is progress? -Previously, Piligrims were selling necklaces to indians, now it's opposite. ************************* 

Boy: Hi! What a cool jacket! Blonde: Can you imagine, and I have absolutely nothing underneath there! Boy: Do not worry they will grow! 

 ************************* 

 Husband to wife: - Honey, do me this ... well this ... - Well, my love! ... ... . . Pleased ​​husband, after this: - To hell with coffee!

Jokes about good, bad and smart girls

In car accident good girl cries along with you, bad - asks why are you crying, smart keeps silence
***
Good girls dress accurately, bad - defiantly, smart - fast
***
Good girls are sleeping in pajamas, bad - naked, smart - depends on the situation
***
Good girls are true to her husband, the bad - a lover, smart - to both
***
Good girls believe in pure love, the bad - believes in big love, smart - in a good sex
***
Good girls have a job, bad - the sponsor, smart - owns a business

Do you know what thunder is?

Blonde: Do you know what thunder is?
Browne: No.
Blonde: It's Google making photo maps from space.
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Blonde:Do you know where light are gone at night?
Browne: No
Blonde: It's in the fridge.
***
 -I thing boobs and brains are made from the same material
-Why is it so?
-So bigger boobs so smaller brains.

Jokes about blondiness

Blondes! If your hair is turning black at the roots - your brain still resists!

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Blonde bought japan bicycle, can't ride, wheel is on the right side.

Blonde in movie

Director: Congratulations, you get a bed scene.
Blonde: What I'm suppose to do?
Diretor: Sleep with candle in your hands, everybody will be kissing you!

The Proposal

Man: It's hard to find according words.


 Blonde: That's ok honey, just find according amount...

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How to attract blonde

If you want to be attractive for blonde, you should be smart, handsome and rich or ... be a cat.

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B: Wake up, honey, I came from your dream!
H: What dream?
B: You sweetest dream!
H: Did they expelled you?

Blonde at the mirror

Blonde at the mirror: I think I am ugly, could you tell something good about me?
Husband: You have very good vision!

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Blonde: Mirror, mirror, who is the most beautiful girl in the world?
Mirror: Step aside, I cant see behind you!

Blonde thinks

Who wants to be a millionaire:
Telecaster: 4 words,  A:carrot, B:onion, C:cabbage, D:Lexus, remove that doesnot fit
Blonde: carrot, onion, cabbage...


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Blonde believes, that a man should guess what blonde wants, not to ask. When a man begins to follow his guesses, she does not think so anymore.

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Blonde to the doctor: I have no children.
Doctor: Is it inborn? Did your mother have children?

jokes about web camera sleeplessness

Blonde complain of sleeplessness
-Last night I woke up 12 times and each time could not fall asleep 


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-Why blonde sits naked before web camera?
-Because computer says we need to prove you are a human.

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-With how many men did you have relationships with?
-Six
-Why so few?
-Bad week.